The Ex-Boyfriend Syndrome

The ex-boyfriend syndrome... Your last boyfriend beat you and treated you like crap so you assume the next guy is going to do the same. So before you even get things started your punishing the next guy, protecting yourself from getting hurt and securing your self-fulfilling prophecy that all men are jerks.

This happens to us all the time in all types of situations. We've all felt taken, ripped off and had sellers or buyers remorse. We've all heard or said the cliché's…"Once Bitten…Twice Shy", "Fool me once shame on you, Fool me twice shame on me" and so on. These situations are not unusual and sometimes they may not be avoidable. However, allowing for a fresh start without a lot of baggage will give a relationship the opportunity to grow. As a consultant and as a manager I've experienced the ex-boyfriend syndrome all too often. Unfortunately I've found myself spending time defending against overactive imaginations, paranoid attitudes and baseless accusations. Eventually these relationships don't last. They can't. When you go to work with someone and your head is on the chopping block and your sitting with two strikes against you…the inevitable is ineffectiveness or worse…just plain nothing happens. I recently had a client that wanted to promote a young pop/rock artist. I brought in a friend of mine who also happens to be a very reputable radio promoter in the format we were going for. Long story short, my client went into the discussions on the defensive. He'd been ripped off before and wasn't going to pay a dime without proof of radio play first. Some of you may see the wisdom of this approach. "I'll only pay on results!". The problem was that from the outset, there was no trust. No trust in me and who I brought in, no trust in my reputable friend and promoter, and no trust in the artist, the process and the system. We were all doomed to fail. The reality of this business is that it's a gamble. You need to do your best to reduce the risk but at the end of the day it is a VERY risky business. The best we can do is to surround ourselves with solid, credible, reputable people. The best we can do is give the people we hire the best tools possible. The most we can expect is that people get out there and do what they say they can do. Life's not just about taking chances but giving chances as well. SO be apprehensive. Be guarded. But understand that a leap of faith doesn't start with the dipping of your toes but with a running start and a great dive!

Steve Belkin is a music business consultant and owner of Open All Nite Entertainment and an artist manager and partner with Left Coast Music Group.